I only want to see you smiling…
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the incredible power of a smile… A smile can be one of the most simple, sought after and disarming tools in any relationship…If you’ve ever known anyone in your life who can level you with their smile, then most likely your sending quite a few smiles back to them… Obviously, smiling is a chance for reciprocation, but I love the genuine feeling of knowing that someone is smiling back at you for the same reasons you can’t stop smiling at them…
I feel as if I live to see the corners of one particular mouth curl up… I see those teeth, those eyes brighten, and if I’m lucky, I hear the laughter I look for all day come rolling out of that beautiful mouth… I actually feel my soul swell with joy…I lift beyond this world and beyond its translation… it all starts with a smile…
Smiles between people who love one another generally stay quite frequent and powerful, right? I feel another thought of reciprocity coming on… I think it’s safe to say that a healthy relationship has nearly an equal number of smiles passing back and forth from one another… Similarly to what I’ve previously said about couples who hold hands and seem to be engaged in one another while out and about, etc, I would like to think that a couple that finds themselves smiling with one another kindly and frequently allows them to be in a more comfortable position to communicate with one another…
I will avoid bringing in another instance of pop culture, which I’m quite fond of as pertaining to controlling your “smiles and cries” as that’s all we have… maybe later… I’m trying to get off of the movie quote expansions for a while : )
Smiling…You learn that your loved one has 100s of smiles and throughout your life together you’ll find out what all of those smiles intend to infer… You learn the nervous/happy-smile from the “its only 4AM, and I’m quite sleepy-smile”… Figuring the difference between those two smiles most likely isn’t too difficult; However, coming to know someone’s smiles and their body language in general, throughout the course of the relationship, I feel, is a big part of enjoying your daily life together…
I try to ask questions when I feel I could possibly be misinterpreting what I’m seeing or feeling… I hope that if I can communicate my need to understand what I’m seeing/feeling, the relationship will benefit… Those moments of uncertainty can be both heavy and difficult… I feel the uncertainty in smile/lack of smile/body language can be helped with communication… I guess I also fear the need to ask “is something wrong”, “is everything okay”??? I’m learning, I claim to be an expert on nothing…
There is pure joy in recognizing the smiles that leave no room for doubt… I feel those smiles are some of the best reasons to be alive.
Smiles are so simple…Even a baby will flash a smile when they seek affirmation… Speaking of babies, if you think about it… we all started with a smile... when our mothers and fathers eyes first met… In those first few moments how many of them do you think started with a scowl towards one another??? Most likely, we can all trace our existence back to a moment… a moment that contained … two smiles… I think that’s a lovely thought. If our very existence started with just one exchange of smiles, consider the possibility of what the next smile could bring…
Think about the “mock smiles” that we will offer a passer by or stranger… Though still firmly classified as a smile and friendly in nature, that moment in passing isn’t a real smile of joy or happiness… What are we trying to convey with those minor face twitches?… We’ll barely make eye contact, most likely not say a word, but we will break the corners of our mouth just slightly and briefly upward to signify something… I think we are flashing that most meager of smiles to say, “I intend no harm to you, and I very much hope you intend no harm to me “…
Granted… this opens up a very long dialogue of possible discernments on whether or not this “smile” is a reaction from a love based thought or a fear based thought…. My thought is that the action is somewhere in the middle. If we were over taken with fear based logic in those moments of encountering a stranger, we most likely wouldn’t react at all. If we were overtaken with love based logic we’d be doing much more than the little flash half smile thing… I think that brief moment is a type of limbo for our minds and hearts… We don’t know what the passer by’s intentions are, we are merely stating our position… Again, that’s just my thought…
Sometimes all I need and want is an affirming smile. When I know I’ve behaved nervously, borderline badly or been frightened with or without reason, all I want and need is that smile… The smile that says, “Everything will be okay”…
All the things a smile can say, yet another reason to love the smile… This single gesture can send a mood as simple as “I come in peace”, “I… think its time for bed”… or “I love you and I want you in no uncertain terms”… That is a great deal of possibility, from such a simple gesture…
Everyone wants more “smiles” in their relationship. However I think we don’t ask ourselves if we are giving our loved ones enough reasons to want to smile at us…By this I mean… somewhere along the way, we bury ourselves with expectation, labels and take for granted why we fell in love with our mate… I think we have to send those messages of love and thankfulness daily... Prioritize your life accordingly…Remember that first smile, if we can come back to that feeling, maybe problems will shrink before our very eyes…
There are dangers of interpretation and translation with smiles. I think we have to be careful with whom we share our smiles with… By extending that smile we are extending a piece of us…the smile may very well be the determinant of what “piece” we are offering…
Just as much as I hope that there are looks, acts, touches, words, feelings and thoughts reserved only for me in my relationship… I also am hopeful that I’m the one and only recipient of certain smiles…
I know I’ve faced some hard times with heavy feelings in my life, times that I desperately needed a smile… I just knew that those feelings would never subside, that my smile wouldn’t return… I’ve been pleasantly proven wrong about those feelings, as I believe most of us have… How did I overcome those feelings? Whether a smile, or love, time or truth, I don’t care to debate… I follow my heart and offer a smile…
Naturally, there are daily obstacles that need to be overcome, some we get past alone, and some we need help with… Life continues to happen, all around me, all the time and all over me, just as it does for everyone else. Life has to be lived, talked through and thought out… Many times I don’t know where to start… I’ll start with a smile…take a long deep breath and know that everything will be okay… Continue to give love, time and energy and smiles to the people and places you need the most… It’s impossible to make a mistake if we are doing this
Whether the love of your world or the stranger passing by, … we all need that reminder for the first time or for the five hundredth time of any given day…“I intend no harm to you, and I very much hope you intend no harm to me “
Don’t give your smile away to just anyone, but maybe don’t be too stingy with it either…keep in mind how powerful your smile can be… we are all freaking out, act accordingly
: )
Tune Suggestion:
Chatterbox
By David Mead
Friday, June 12, 2009
Monday, June 1, 2009
Did Freddy Shoop Save Me?
I most likely will never be accused of being extremely well read, however I do think the accusation of being more than slightly “well watched” may be appropriate. I’ve watched many more movies than I’ve read books, I think graduate school beat a great deal of my love for reading out of me…However, I continue to love movies and consider myself a “cinefile” in that I will watch almost anything, and I do love my own cinematic opinions…
I didn’t intend for the previous post and this one to be so much in line with one another in their relationship dynamic flavor, nor the source of the post’s inspiration…
Nevertheless here I go again…
Whenever I have a “movie quote” conversation with someone, my favorite movie quote of all time always takes a great deal of sufferance…I do enjoy “serious” movies with obvious lessons and meaning, but I continue to enjoy finding beautiful writing in unconventional films… The movie is from 1987 and stars Mark Harmon... “Summer School” is the title, Mark Harmon plays teacher Freddy Shoop… I also have to add that I was terrified of Mark Harmon only a year or so before this movie was released, in 1986 he played serial killer, Ted Bundy in “The Deliberate Stranger”, though I had no intentions of ever getting into a strangers VW Bug or joining a sorority… he still frightened me out a quite a bit, I was around 11 years old…
The scene where the dialogue occurs, and gives us our quote displays a near heartbroken and love sick Freddy Shoop sitting on the beach with the perfect dog, “Wondzer Mutt”… He’s sitting there with his dog, a jar of peanut butter and a jar of jelly… As he jams his fingers into the peanut butter, then the jelly, he’ll take a nibble, and then let Wondzer Mutt have a lick or two, then repeat from peanut butter to jelly to Wondzer Mutt and so on and so on… I know, that image alone screams brilliant film!!! Shoop then leans towards Wondzer Mutt and says to him,
“You know what we need Wondzer Mutt, … besides bread”???
“We need someone who’ll appreciate what we have to offer”…
Shoop’s eyes drop momentarily, as if saddened by this statement… He then looks out at the sunset over the ocean and seemingly refills himself with both breath and faith that the possibility for appreciation is all around him… At least, that is my interpretation.
Now, set aside the ridiculous 1980s movie, the totally senseless plot, the bad acting, the mediocre script, set design, cinematography, direction etc….
That line of dialogue between an actor and a dog alone sparked something inside me, even at the age of 11… It’s something I’ve thought of, off and on, for the last 22 years… and more and more as I get older… That notion I feel, is worth exploring…
In my opinion for one to truly understand what they have to offer, is a daily chore… let alone someone else recognizing what we have to offer…? I know there are things I refuse to compromise on, things I’m totally open minded about, and things I’m “mostly in the middle” on… I think we make up our hearts and minds on a great many things earlier on in life than others… Therefore, that slice of understanding “what we have to offer” may come somewhat easier to understand, from an internal perspective... Others, undoubtedly may have trouble recognizing our true mindsets and feelings on any and all subject matter…Not to mention all of the compromise and flexibility that is needed from yourself and from your loved ones, when you decide to entangle two sets of self interests.
Especially on the “mostly in the middle” life issues…. The major issues seem to be easy to recognize in one’s self and in others, not always, but most of the time... We will gravitate towards those with similar “big stuff” sensibilities then we take the time and figure out all other facets of a life with them… The small stuff takes time… maybe all of it does…
All that to say, I feel if we are to truly understand and appreciate what we have to offer and what we bring into a relationship, we have to know what matters to us above all else… We have to let what does not matter… truly slide… We have to daily exercise the control to put our love where it belongs, our energy where it needs to be and our hearts to the only places that deserve them… to focus only our true intentions for our life…
I try to keep learning about myself, I don’t know the best way to do this, I pray, talk to therapists, go to yoga, meditate, drink a lot of wine, self diagnose myself till I’m blue in the face, talk A LOT to the people that know me best, Google myself into hysterics… then I cross analyze all the data and see where the common denominators are… I’m open to suggestions, as I’ve stated before, I need lots of help with my self discovery…
If we are really being honest? How many times in your life have you been terrified for someone to really get to know you? You think to yourself, if this person really gets to know me, there isn’t anyway, they’ll want to be my friend, continue to see me, want to start a life with me, try to love me, etc. Not recognizing what we have to offer is a daily challenge for us all… Don’t think you’re the only one with these thoughts…
The people around you and in your life aren’t perfect; they don’t think they are either…
I try to keep in mind the blessing of possibility…
Try to believe someone when they pay you a complement. Take to heart, and at least for a moment, try to accept that what they are telling you … may be the truth… That there are people in this world that love you beyond measure… That you may very well be their favorite person of all time, and that this time, this person, will do exactly what they say they will…That if you were to crawl into your hole and hide, your loved ones will come to you…
We are not the mistakes we make or that pile of fear and doubt that weigh us down…
Believe that all you are and all you have to offer is far better than you will ever give yourself credit for…
Maybe we finally start to put together that we do have a lot to offer… that we deserve to be appreciated… I still hold the closest to my heart that my most important daily focus should be to love, not to be loved, to hold, not to be held, to appreciate, not to be appreciated… I truly believe that somewhere in the act of giving all of my heart away, is the sole chance for it to return to me...
So... in giving it all away, pick somebody you know you can love like crazy, even if it scares you a little bit… Ask questions all the time, stay up late together, sleep in even later... be kind to one another, put the other first, try to love someone in this world more than you love yourself… Get to know their family, their friends. Look for the passion in their eyes and voice when they talk about their job, their music, their church… Get into what their into, get them into what you’re into… LISTEN TO THEM, give them your time, your heart, your energy… maybe... just maybe you’ll find they to are doing all of these things for you…
If we can extract what is truly important to ourselves and what we truly appreciate, I think we’ll see more clearly what we really want in life, what we want in a partner and what we are willing to compromise… If we are truly blessed we meet someone that we see for the blessing that they are to us. We recognize and are cognizant that this person has realigned our perceptions, and that we do not want this feeling to end...
We see our counterpoint in them…we feel life teeming all around us when they are near…
We let go of that bundle of self interests and entertain the possibility of true appreciation.
Recognizing the blessings of my life keep my heart full. I’m thankful to have someone who I am thankful for a dozen times before my feet ever hit the floor in the morning… I feel I’ll never be able to fully explain all that has filled up in me since I’ve come to know her, to the task of trying to show her and tell her of my thankfulness, I rededicate myself daily and anew…
As far as my skill sets, vulnerabilities, not jumping to conclusions, strengths, weaknesses, what makes me “tick”, what causes me to lose sleep, owning my own stuff, forgiving myself, forgiving others… I’m working on it… just like everyone else. I try to see why I should be appreciated...
As far as recognizing who, what and why I’m appreciative… I try not to be tight lipped with my confessions of love and adoration… I try not to fear; moreover I try to respect the finite nature of our daily lives… I don’t like to walk around thinking this day may be the last, I try not to fill my heart and head with the thought that this may be my last chance to drink a little too much wine, the last time I hold someone I truly love, the last true passion I’ll ever feel… I don’t keep this mindset as my cardinal rule… However these thoughts and feelings enter into my commitment to letting those I appreciate… know how much I appreciate them and all they’ve untangled for me…
In closing on appreciativeness…
When I hurt, I try to stay hurt and not let anger or fear cloud my feelings... For I know my fear will keep me from recognizing what I should be thankful for in my life... When I’m deliriously happy, I don’t let fear knock me back down…If I find myself curious, then I ask my questions, and I (tell all my secrets).. I try not to let myself suffer to long inside the chambers of my own mind…
I’ve found that I love being sweet to someone, and I don’t let the doubts and fears of life in general knock that sweet out of me…
In closing, I know, who and what I’ve come to appreciate, has saved my life…I feel I owe a great debt to those who are dear to me… I will use all of my life to try and show them the love they have given me, and the fullness within my heart...
Here’s to you Freddy Shoop…
Tune of the day
“Fix You”
Coldplay
I most likely will never be accused of being extremely well read, however I do think the accusation of being more than slightly “well watched” may be appropriate. I’ve watched many more movies than I’ve read books, I think graduate school beat a great deal of my love for reading out of me…However, I continue to love movies and consider myself a “cinefile” in that I will watch almost anything, and I do love my own cinematic opinions…
I didn’t intend for the previous post and this one to be so much in line with one another in their relationship dynamic flavor, nor the source of the post’s inspiration…
Nevertheless here I go again…
Whenever I have a “movie quote” conversation with someone, my favorite movie quote of all time always takes a great deal of sufferance…I do enjoy “serious” movies with obvious lessons and meaning, but I continue to enjoy finding beautiful writing in unconventional films… The movie is from 1987 and stars Mark Harmon... “Summer School” is the title, Mark Harmon plays teacher Freddy Shoop… I also have to add that I was terrified of Mark Harmon only a year or so before this movie was released, in 1986 he played serial killer, Ted Bundy in “The Deliberate Stranger”, though I had no intentions of ever getting into a strangers VW Bug or joining a sorority… he still frightened me out a quite a bit, I was around 11 years old…
The scene where the dialogue occurs, and gives us our quote displays a near heartbroken and love sick Freddy Shoop sitting on the beach with the perfect dog, “Wondzer Mutt”… He’s sitting there with his dog, a jar of peanut butter and a jar of jelly… As he jams his fingers into the peanut butter, then the jelly, he’ll take a nibble, and then let Wondzer Mutt have a lick or two, then repeat from peanut butter to jelly to Wondzer Mutt and so on and so on… I know, that image alone screams brilliant film!!! Shoop then leans towards Wondzer Mutt and says to him,
“You know what we need Wondzer Mutt, … besides bread”???
“We need someone who’ll appreciate what we have to offer”…
Shoop’s eyes drop momentarily, as if saddened by this statement… He then looks out at the sunset over the ocean and seemingly refills himself with both breath and faith that the possibility for appreciation is all around him… At least, that is my interpretation.
Now, set aside the ridiculous 1980s movie, the totally senseless plot, the bad acting, the mediocre script, set design, cinematography, direction etc….
That line of dialogue between an actor and a dog alone sparked something inside me, even at the age of 11… It’s something I’ve thought of, off and on, for the last 22 years… and more and more as I get older… That notion I feel, is worth exploring…
In my opinion for one to truly understand what they have to offer, is a daily chore… let alone someone else recognizing what we have to offer…? I know there are things I refuse to compromise on, things I’m totally open minded about, and things I’m “mostly in the middle” on… I think we make up our hearts and minds on a great many things earlier on in life than others… Therefore, that slice of understanding “what we have to offer” may come somewhat easier to understand, from an internal perspective... Others, undoubtedly may have trouble recognizing our true mindsets and feelings on any and all subject matter…Not to mention all of the compromise and flexibility that is needed from yourself and from your loved ones, when you decide to entangle two sets of self interests.
Especially on the “mostly in the middle” life issues…. The major issues seem to be easy to recognize in one’s self and in others, not always, but most of the time... We will gravitate towards those with similar “big stuff” sensibilities then we take the time and figure out all other facets of a life with them… The small stuff takes time… maybe all of it does…
All that to say, I feel if we are to truly understand and appreciate what we have to offer and what we bring into a relationship, we have to know what matters to us above all else… We have to let what does not matter… truly slide… We have to daily exercise the control to put our love where it belongs, our energy where it needs to be and our hearts to the only places that deserve them… to focus only our true intentions for our life…
I try to keep learning about myself, I don’t know the best way to do this, I pray, talk to therapists, go to yoga, meditate, drink a lot of wine, self diagnose myself till I’m blue in the face, talk A LOT to the people that know me best, Google myself into hysterics… then I cross analyze all the data and see where the common denominators are… I’m open to suggestions, as I’ve stated before, I need lots of help with my self discovery…
If we are really being honest? How many times in your life have you been terrified for someone to really get to know you? You think to yourself, if this person really gets to know me, there isn’t anyway, they’ll want to be my friend, continue to see me, want to start a life with me, try to love me, etc. Not recognizing what we have to offer is a daily challenge for us all… Don’t think you’re the only one with these thoughts…
The people around you and in your life aren’t perfect; they don’t think they are either…
I try to keep in mind the blessing of possibility…
Try to believe someone when they pay you a complement. Take to heart, and at least for a moment, try to accept that what they are telling you … may be the truth… That there are people in this world that love you beyond measure… That you may very well be their favorite person of all time, and that this time, this person, will do exactly what they say they will…That if you were to crawl into your hole and hide, your loved ones will come to you…
We are not the mistakes we make or that pile of fear and doubt that weigh us down…
Believe that all you are and all you have to offer is far better than you will ever give yourself credit for…
Maybe we finally start to put together that we do have a lot to offer… that we deserve to be appreciated… I still hold the closest to my heart that my most important daily focus should be to love, not to be loved, to hold, not to be held, to appreciate, not to be appreciated… I truly believe that somewhere in the act of giving all of my heart away, is the sole chance for it to return to me...
So... in giving it all away, pick somebody you know you can love like crazy, even if it scares you a little bit… Ask questions all the time, stay up late together, sleep in even later... be kind to one another, put the other first, try to love someone in this world more than you love yourself… Get to know their family, their friends. Look for the passion in their eyes and voice when they talk about their job, their music, their church… Get into what their into, get them into what you’re into… LISTEN TO THEM, give them your time, your heart, your energy… maybe... just maybe you’ll find they to are doing all of these things for you…
If we can extract what is truly important to ourselves and what we truly appreciate, I think we’ll see more clearly what we really want in life, what we want in a partner and what we are willing to compromise… If we are truly blessed we meet someone that we see for the blessing that they are to us. We recognize and are cognizant that this person has realigned our perceptions, and that we do not want this feeling to end...
We see our counterpoint in them…we feel life teeming all around us when they are near…
We let go of that bundle of self interests and entertain the possibility of true appreciation.
Recognizing the blessings of my life keep my heart full. I’m thankful to have someone who I am thankful for a dozen times before my feet ever hit the floor in the morning… I feel I’ll never be able to fully explain all that has filled up in me since I’ve come to know her, to the task of trying to show her and tell her of my thankfulness, I rededicate myself daily and anew…
As far as my skill sets, vulnerabilities, not jumping to conclusions, strengths, weaknesses, what makes me “tick”, what causes me to lose sleep, owning my own stuff, forgiving myself, forgiving others… I’m working on it… just like everyone else. I try to see why I should be appreciated...
As far as recognizing who, what and why I’m appreciative… I try not to be tight lipped with my confessions of love and adoration… I try not to fear; moreover I try to respect the finite nature of our daily lives… I don’t like to walk around thinking this day may be the last, I try not to fill my heart and head with the thought that this may be my last chance to drink a little too much wine, the last time I hold someone I truly love, the last true passion I’ll ever feel… I don’t keep this mindset as my cardinal rule… However these thoughts and feelings enter into my commitment to letting those I appreciate… know how much I appreciate them and all they’ve untangled for me…
In closing on appreciativeness…
When I hurt, I try to stay hurt and not let anger or fear cloud my feelings... For I know my fear will keep me from recognizing what I should be thankful for in my life... When I’m deliriously happy, I don’t let fear knock me back down…If I find myself curious, then I ask my questions, and I (tell all my secrets).. I try not to let myself suffer to long inside the chambers of my own mind…
I’ve found that I love being sweet to someone, and I don’t let the doubts and fears of life in general knock that sweet out of me…
In closing, I know, who and what I’ve come to appreciate, has saved my life…I feel I owe a great debt to those who are dear to me… I will use all of my life to try and show them the love they have given me, and the fullness within my heart...
Here’s to you Freddy Shoop…
Tune of the day
“Fix You”
Coldplay
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