Seeking first to understand, just something I stole from the Buddhists, nevertheless I try to apply that principle everyday in my life. Yet, everyday, I know I fail in the application of this principle. I make judgments, jump to conclusions and try to hold onto some sort of totally fucked up notion, that just because I grasp the concept of the human condition, I then… must have a grasp on human suffering… Not the case. I’m trying… this much I know… I know I’ve suffered, that others suffer, and that suffering may very well be a constant in this world. I also know that suffering isn’t something you have to go through alone… Healing??? Maybe, but not the suffering… I’m not talking about “joyfully participating in the suffering of the world” I’m talking more about recognizing the suffering that is around you, not giving up hope, that love will prevail and knowing that you can help lessen that suffering.

I know I’m trapped in my own perceptions, just like the rest of us. I know there is pain in this world that I haven’t endured. Therefore I can’t always say, “I know how you feel”, to every instance of pain I become aware of. I may not know how you hurt, but I can be cognizant of that hurt. I can give my time, my energy, and my love to someone that is hurting…Being there, listening, being patient, loving someone… that is the only thing I know to do… Someone please tell me if I’m lost with this notion…

You cannot talk someone out of there pain, you can’t buy your way into their heart. There is nothing you can write or say to totally diminish their pain...No one likes to feel as if they can’t help someone they care about, this feeling of helplessness can drive you crazy… that’s coming from crazy himself…

Trust is one of the most precious things in this world, once its been taken from you, you just know that its never coming back, … that’s how I felt once upon a time…

Though I’ve had both trouble with and trouble loving women, I know I still want to love a woman. I may have trouble trusting people, but I will trust a person. I have had serious problems and doubts with religion but I still love God, trust God and I know God loves me…

With time and a deeper exploration of who I am, what I want and what I need, I’ve seen both trust and love return in my life. I love the irony of saying that I’ve had a great deal of help with all of this self discovery… I’ve been much more than lucky in my life…with my friendships and relationships… However it’s my contention that the deepest “seeking first to understand”, should most likely be directed inward…

In learning not to trust people, somehow I still want to love and trust a person. In discovering some of the things I don’t like about religion, I am able to see God’s love for me everywhere… In learning more about me, I’ve given myself a great chance to truly love others.

I’ve written about the “list” before… sit yourself down and make a list of the most important things to you in this world. If you can actually make a list, you are already better off than many... If in your top 5 or so you have 1 or 2 of these things I pray your heart is full of gratitude…

Time marches on.
Love is the biggest thing there is.
Love yourself.
Make your list and seek it out.
Everybody needs somebody.

The kindest voice you should hear all day is that of your own…




Tune of the day:
“Crazy” by
KC & Jojo