One of my biggest fears is that I’ll end up like my parents.

Both of my parents are alone, unhappy and have lost all interest in salvaging a life that reaches for happiness… They’ve given up on the chance for happiness… I suppose that’s putting it very “matter of factly”; I guess I just can’t see the evidence of any effort on their parts… It’s quite paradoxical to think that your Mother is actually… just a woman… and you’re Father, just a man… I know they’d both refute my claim of their surrender to being unhappy… I guess I just wish they’d try harder... or I knew how to help… or both : )

When I’m around my Mom, I feel the heaviness of her pain and it breaks my heart. Every time.

Why did they end up the way they did ? Or is it more important to ask why do they reaffirm daily that it’s too late to change the ending??? Isn’t it possible that tomorrow very well could be the day they turn it all around? Or start to believe that they can change their ending? and push towards a life that believes in the chance for happiness?

I feel that if I believe that the chance for happiness exists, then through love, patience, effort and time, the life I want is possible…The obstacles will be constant and at times seem insurmountable… I can choose either fear, or faith…

I digress… back to my fear of ending up like my parents…

I think sometimes when I arrive to my house that I am well on my way to ending up… just like them… Sometimes I pause in the driveway, I sit, still in my car, ignition off … I draw a long deep breath, fight off the slab of heartache from sliding over me completely… I try to swallow down whatever fear I’ve mustered up in the few moments I’ve been sitting there I tell myself I’m not like them… I inhale hope and exhale faith…

If life is all about choices, a choice for love, for patience, with effort for the things you want... that accepts the peace and sting of time… in the end I know I’ll have no one to blame other than myself if I give into fear, doubt and despair…


I’ve not given up on my parent’s chance for happiness… Maybe somewhere in my fear of my parent’s loss of a chance for happiness, I can truly find the one thing for myself and for my parents that will make all the difference…